wrong job, career paths

Tonight I ate dinner with Rich. "If you do anything, what would you do?" I asked. "What I'm doing now," he said. He has the same job I do. We talked about the by-invitation-only boardgame convention he had just returned from; the games he's working on; the games he's playing. When we got back to work, he showed me the map he'd created for PuzzleHunt last year, and how, when you zoomed in, it revealed tiny buildings with tiny clocktowers with tiny clockhands.

"I set the clock's time to be the same as in that Nicolas Cage movie about the treasure hunt," he said. At that exact moment -- my defenses down, late at night, tired, gazing at games within games within games built solely for pleasure -- I suddenly realized, I am in the wrong job.

Rich is a dolphin in the ocean of joy, when he is making games. I am a dolphin when I am rehearsing or life-coaching; when I and others are focussed on becoming our whole mysterious authentic selves.

"I think NTJ's are better than most people at figuring out what they love, and accomplishing it" he said. "We're good at abstracting, from reality. We are good at analysis, so once we've got the abstraction, we can see what's there. And we're planners -- once we see it, we go get it. In college, I majored in game design. Then I decided to get a game internship, and got it. I decided to go fulltime and got it. I decided to move to Microsoft doing games, and got it. I decided to go fulltime in Microsoft games and got it."

An ENFP works differently.

I decided to drop out of college and follow my bass-player boyfriend to California. I decided to play piano for ballet studios at night. I left piano to get a job in software because my software housemates wore jeans and slept in and made a lot of money and had interesting work. I left software to lead Software Development Bootcamps because attending Bootcamp had blown my mind. I left Bootcamp to study theatre because I was great at improv in Bootcamp, and wanted more training. I left theatre to work with Lyon -- to do a company as mysterious as theatre, and as conscious & meta-conscious as Bootcamp & software. It didn't work out, but that still feels like my trajectory. I am headed toward theatre-plus-something-more-conscious.

The thing that will crack all this open is going to the gym.

Once I start to move, I'm going to move forever. I walked for an hour on Sunday with Shawn. Another hour on Monday with Rob. Yes, said my body contentedly. Yes.